Choices
by jasmine.nahrain
Summary: What happens when Rachel has to for once and for all choose between finn and brody. How will she feel when she finds out all their secrets.
1. Chapter 1

A what? Rachel berry asked in a confused voice. Your a... A... A male before I could finish my sentence Santana had to bud in. Yes he is a male whore. I had to sit down. All this time I had wasted with brody was a waste of time. Why did you ever even go out with me or even move in? "We'll rach" NO don't call me that only people I care about can call me rach. "I really liked you but I am a guy, the job I guess satisfied me" with those disgusting words coming out of his mouth I wanted to scream. You needed to be satisfied. What about me was I just an accessorie? Why? How could you use me like that? Just as he was About to answer that life got even more complicated. "Hey Kurt, what did you need me to do?" As Finn was finishing his sentence his voice got lower until it was just awkward. "Uh Kurt would you like to explain? In the hall"thing we're just getting more awkward by the second especially mine. I had my best friend, my friend/roommate my EX-boyfriend and my ex-fiancée. I couldn't take it any ore, I ran as fast as I could, out of my apartment, out of the building without thinking of the consciences. If it wasn't for the elevator I would have made it out but Kurt and Santana managed to catch up. "Rachel, you can't just run away from your problems because they will catch up to you I stead you need to face them like the Rachel berry i know would" the wise words of Kurt Hummel "take no prisinors" a proud Santana said. "Rachel you have 3 choices 1. You can run down that elevator and not come home until everyone has gone 2. Got and kick brody out once and for all or 3. Finally make things right with Finn." I sighed, do I have to? I knew what I had to but would I have to courage.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

As I walked back to my New York apartment I was faced with a dilemma. Brody was about to get kicked out but how could I do that in front of Finn? I had supposedly moved on. This would be showing him that he can now come back into my life. I had to do this though either way I would loose so I just had to face the music.  
Brody, leave and never come back. I want you gone by the time that. I come back and with that I left dragging Santana with me.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

As I walked into the nearest Starbucks I was greeted by Kurt Hummel. "Where did Finn go" Santana asked knowing I wouldn't. "Oh he went back to his dorm, it got too awkward for him here and you know how he gets when He is awkward." In had to let a little laugh out at that comment because I knew Finn well and he couldn't handle being in awkward situations. Before I could say anymore Santana orders for us "I will have a black latte, a slandered coffee and an ice tea" as we walked to a table I for some reason felt sad and it wasn't because I kicked brody out but because I barley acknowledged him. So what is the latest gossip at at NYADA?

"Rachel I think this will be good for you." Are you sure? I wasn't sure what we were doing was a good idea but it was too late "Rachel this helped make up your mind once upon a time lets see if it still works." Kurt, what do I have to make up my mind about? I was very confused "Finn or no Finn, brody or no brody, brody or Finn." He had a point but last time I was standing on this broadway stage I had to choose between New York or Finn, that was like Sophie's choice now it's brody or Finn and there is a clear winner I just don't want to admit it.

Rachel:  
Right from the start  
You were a thief  
You stole my heart  
And I your willing victim  
I let you see the parts of me  
That weren't all that pretty  
And with every touch you fixed them  
Now you've been talking in your sleep oh oh  
Things you never say to me oh oh  
Tell me that you've had enough  
Of our love, our love

Rachel and Finn:  
Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
Finn:  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts  
That we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
I'm sorry I don't understand  
Where all of this is coming from  
I thought that we were fine  
(Oh we had everything)  
Your head is running wild again  
My dear we still have everythin'  
And it's all in your mind  
(Yeah but this is happenin')  
You've been havin' real bad dreams oh oh  
You used to lie so close to me oh oh  
There's nothing more than empty sheets  
Between our love, our love  
Oh our love, our love

Rachel and Finn:  
Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again

Rachel:  
I never stopped  
You're still written in the scars on my heart  
You're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
Oh tear ducts and rust  
I'll fix it for us  
We're collecting dust  
But our love's enough  
You're holding it in  
You're pouring a drink  
No nothing is as bad as it seems  
We'll come clean

Rachel and Finn:  
Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts

Rachel:  
That we're not broken just bent

Finn:  
And we can learn to love again

Rachel and Finn:  
Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts  
That we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
Oh we can learn to love again  
Oh we can learn to love again oh oh  
That we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again

I just broke down crying, I now had to face the truth, face the world, and most of all face Finn. This was going to be hard but the minute I stepped out of this broadway room I was back to good old Rachel Barbera Berry. "Are you ready?" Kurt asked me. "You know I think i am." And with that I walked out of the auditorium with a new perspective of my situation

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, I think i might post a chapter every week. Thanks for all your support.**

"Anyone want some hot coco?" A nightly tradition at our New  
York apartment. As we all sat around the table the conversation I had been  
dreading was finally arriving. "So what are you going to say to  
Finn?" After a long pause not knowing what to say I answered "I don't  
know I guess I will wing it, you can't really plan these things. Can we please  
not talk about my life, eats talk about Kurt's? Adam or Blaine?" Now we  
were talking bps out Kurt's problems and he really hated it. "Why do we  
have to talk about my problems? We do we even have to talk about problems at  
all?" We all laughed a little but were interrupted by a knock on the door.  
"I will get it" I just didn't want to continue the 'problems'  
conversation. As I walked to the door I was nervous my problems were just going  
to punch me in the face and that was exactly what happened I now had to make my  
decision on the spot. "Who is it?" Kurt asked. I stayed quiet then  
started running...

I could tell that Kurt and Santana were confused as to why I was running, bare  
footed, thin clothed into the freezing cold New York winter night. "Finn,  
Finn" I was running through the not so crowded streets chasing after Finn.  
As I caught up to him I was out of breath and about to get frost bite.  
"Finn, I, and I just, I choose you... I can't imagine a life without you  
in my life, it's a lifeless life. I knew from the moment we met I loved you. It  
was love at first sight and two people who have been through as much as we have  
don't just separate, we were engaged and I ruined that. I don't care if I have  
to fight for you for a year or twenty years, you are my boyfriend and we are  
endgame." He smiled and laughed that I quoted him. "I love you!"  
He smiled once again but this time realising how cold I was and gave me his  
coat. For the first time in months I was in his arms not Body's but Finn, my  
one true love 3 as we kissed it started to snow "it's like a fairy  
tale" I was the happiest I could be.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Rach I can't stay long I have to go back to my hotel and pack otherwise I  
will miss my flight." I was  
drowning in his words "flight you mean you are really leaving?" I  
knew the happiness wouldn't last. "Look Finn I didn't just say what I said  
because I wanted you to leave I said that because I wanted you to stay"  
the look on Finns face, I knew there was more too it but I was too afraid to  
ask. "Rach" he laughed a little. "I need to tell you  
something" I started to worry "I got into NYU". I went into immediate shock. "What? Are  
you serious?" I started jumping up and down and got a little too excited  
for everyone's choosing but I didn't care, Finn was going to be moving here, to  
New York. "This feels like a fairy tale that's about to go wrong, this  
much happiness never lasts." I started to worry that someone was going to  
die or get severely injured or my apartment was going to burn down. In life you  
get things thrown at you without knowing what to do. But for now I just had to  
be thankful for what I have and enjoy every minute of it. "Let's go home"  
home I liked the Sunday of that and truth be told it wasn't a home until Finn  
was there to call it his home as well. As we walked home I knew I was going to  
be judged by both Kurt and Santana but this was Finn, they would have to deal  
with it.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Rachel are you going to tell Finn I mean are you going to tell anyone?  
Are you going to get an abortion? You really need to think about this"  
Santana's words were repeating in my head. It had been 10 weeks since I fell  
pregnant and it doesn't look like anything. I really needed to go to the doctor  
but I was too afraid. What if something was wrong? But for now I had to get on  
my day.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

NYADA was starting to get annoying bumping into so many people that knew Brody  
and I broke up. They all just stared at me like I was crazy for breaking up  
with him, if only they knew the whole story. "Kurt, do you have a  
sec?" I didn't know what I was about to say I just needed to talk to him  
for emotional support before I went to the doctors. "Hey rach, you will  
never believe what just happened." He was getting so excited "I was  
in drama and for once my teacher asked me to perform in front of the class and  
I nailed it." "I am so proud of you." He was so happy I couldn't  
ruin his mood. Well I have got to go, I will see you at home and I might be a  
bit late tonight.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Miss Rachel Berry" as the doctor called my name I was so scared I  
almost ran out of the doctors surgery. I took a deep breath and walked over to  
the doctor waiting for me. I walked into his room and sat down on the chair  
next to his desk; I got changed and sat on the weird bed I have seen in movies  
and movies only. "Miss Berry this might feel a little cold" he  
squeezed the paste into my stomach and watched the screen. He looked uncertain  
of things so he called another doctor to come and look at the screen. I started  
to worry even more than I was before I came into the room. The two doctors  
seemed to agree on something and their faces went happy "what's going on?  
Is everything ok?" He could hear the worry in my voice. He waited a few  
moments to tell me the news. "Look Rachel there is never an easy way to  
say this" he took deep breath before continuing "you have had a miscarriage"  
I started crying. Why would this happen to me just as I was getting excited  
about this. What was I going to do? I loved this baby so much even though it  
was the size of a peanut. I now had to go home and see Kurt and Santana... And  
Finn. Kurt and Finn didn't even know and now I was going to arrive crying...

As I walked down the corridor to my apartment door I could hear the happiness  
and joy in everyone's voices and I wasn't even inside the house yet. I started  
crying again and instead if going inside the door I stayed outside and cried  
until Santana figured it out and came outside. "Hey Rach what's  
wrong?" The worry in her tone meant I could trust her "I, I "I  
couldn't help the tears, I thought I would cause a flood. "I had a miscarriage"  
it was the perfect moment I said that because that was the moment Finn and Kurt  
decided to open the door. "Oh Rachel" Santana one who was immune to  
everyone's feelings was now feeling sorry for me and Finland Kurt speechless. I  
don't blame them, they had no idea.  
Everyone just went silent so to escape the awkwardness I ran to my room  
hoping that No one would follow. I was not in a state of mind to be able to  
talk about it. "Rachel its Finn, can Please come in so we can talk" I love  
the way that even though it was technically his room as well he still knocked.  
I was crying so much I couldn't speak and barley breath. "Rach come  
on" I started to heavily breath. What was happening to me? The next thing  
I know I am laying on the floor with paramedics at my aid. "We need to get  
her to the hospital"


	3. Living with pain

**Hey guys, sorry for the long wait I have been very busy.**  
**Reviews = Love so please review 3**

**••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••**

I was on a hospital bed being rushed through the hospital to the appropriate area, conscious but feeling dead, like nothing else mattered in the world except that baby and now I have lost it. I just feel empty. At first I didn't expect to feel the way I do for this baby, I thought I was going to just live with it but it turned to be a part of my heart that can't be repaired for a long time. How were doctors meant to fix a broken heart? Fill that hole that is just sitting there not getting any smaller? I am worrying everyone yet I don't care. Are people just going to expect me to think this is a blessing, it's not going to get in the way of my dream. Do they really think I am going to be ok with this? "Get her some water" I heard the doctor say. What was water going to do? As they got me the water, I drank it. The doctor walked out of the small, dull room and started talking to my distressed friends, my worried boyfriend. I just sat there for the next hour until Santana made me talk. "Rachel, are you just going to sit there for the rest of your life?" I could tell she was really caring for me. I just looked at her. "I lost the only thing that was keeping me driven through tough times" Santana started getting frustrated. "Rachel, you have us. Don't you get it for over an hour Finn has been sitting in the seat right next to the door and every time a doctor walked out would question the, like they were a murder suspect." As I took these words in I looked at Finn and just cried. I heard Santana say a rude comment but couldn't make out what it was. "How much longer do I have to stay here" I managed to squeeze those words while crying into Finns chest. I was answered with a sympathetic tone from Kurt. "You can go home when your ready" I let out a sigh of relief. "Please can I go home, this room is the most depressing room ever." And with that we left to go home, still feeling dead inside but somehow starting to feel alive again.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I was lying in the arms of Finn and feeling terrible for shutting him out. The whole time he was here I never told him about the baby, it was his. Just thinking of the baby was making me upset. 'Did I do something to it? Did I kill it' the thoughts made me to have a panic attack "Finn, Finn" I was worrying. My breathing started to become heavy and I felt like I was being closed in a box. Finn woke up straight away. "Rachel what's wrong" I didn't answer but he knew through my heavy breathing some was happening. He turned the lamp on and comforted me. "I am going to get us some tea" Finn said releasing me. i got up with him because I knew I couldn't be alone right now. As we were trying to move around the apartment without waking Santana or Kurt up there was a knock on the door. "Who would be visiting us at 2 In the morning" Finn went to answer the door with me holding a knife as security just in case the person was a rapist or murder, you never know what will happen in New York. Finn opened the door and to our surprise at the door was Blaine. "god Blaine I thought you were going to rape or kill us" I said running into his arms. "Am I really that scary?" Blaine asked and we all shared a little laugh, the first for me in a very long time. "Blaine what are you doing here?"

"Look guys, I don't know what I am doing here. School is almost over and I guess I just wanted to see Kurt, and you guys." Blaine let out a sigh of relief after holding those words in for a very long time. "Rachel, I heard. I am so sorry and I will do anything to help." I just thought to myself for a minute then said almost screaming "why does everyone keep saying their sorry? It's not going to bring the baby back" I ran back to my room not even feeling bad for waking Kurt and Santana up. I just wanted to get she/he back. "Sorry man, she is just going through a really hard time." Finn said in an apologetic tone as he rushed to my aid.

"Rachel, look I know it's still a fresh wound but someday were going to have so many talented, beautiful children." I knew Finn was just trying to help but all I could think about was this baby "Finn I feel like a murder, the baby was inside of ME and it died inside of ME." I didn't care about holding back my tears now. I could see Finns face and I could tell he understood but didn't know what to say. "Rachel, you didn't kill the baby. What happened was meant to happen maybe to make us all stronger people, be able to stand through the toughest things in life without giving up. I said it once and I will say it again. YOU did NOT kill the baby."Finn always knew what to say, it was one of his best traits. "You know this is one of the reasons I fell in love with you." A smile formed on my face and for the first time in weeks I felt happy, filled like that hole was being filled up with Finns love. "Now lets go and say hi, properly to Blaine.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

We walked into the kitchen to see Blaine and Kurt really welcoming each other. We quietly walked it and back to our room. "Finn, I've missed you." He could hear the truth in my voice. "Rachel I have missed the real you, not the Brody/new York you. I am glad to have you back. I love you and only you" just 3 words could make me feel like the happiest and luckiest girl in the world "I love you more" his lips met mine and we shared a long, passionate kiss before being interrupted but Kurt and Blaine breaking something. "Tomorrow I am going to show you New York they way you have missed it for almost a year."


	4. Why wont life get better?

**Hey guys, Here is the new chapter. Please review it means a lot to me. Thanks :)**

"A few more steps" Finn said with a chuckle. I may have changed a bit but I still had a love/hate relationship with surprises. "Finn where are you taking me?" All I could hear were birds chirping and people talking. "Ok were here" Finn said with a little too much enthusiasm. I ripped the blind fold of my eyes and saw the most romantic thing a man has ever done for me. "Finn, this is amazing!" I was the happiest I have been in a while. Finn had set up an exact replica of the picnic I made him on our first date. We sat down and had an amazing date. "So Miss Berry, are you having a fine evening?" It felt like a fairy tale Butterflies fluttering in my stomach, that beautiful half smile oh and those dimples. Life couldn't get any better. There were people in boats, children getting ice-cream from the truck. It felt like a cliché movie but reality. :)  
"Finn, thank you"  
"For what Rachel? You're the one who has given me everything." He let out a brief laugh  
"Thank you for sticking by me in the toughest times, comforting me through all that has happened and thank you for making me happy every day since I met you."  
I could see the happiness in his eyes and the huge smile that formed on his face just made me even happier.  
"No Rachel, Thank YOU"

Finns phone rang, "I will be one minute" Finn said upset that someone was interrupting his date.  
"Hey Aunt Suzie, what's up?" He could hear sobbing on the other end "what's wrong?"  
"Finn, Abby she uh... Well she was diagnosed with melanoma well, the other day she uhh" Suzie couldn't finish this sentence. Finn replied "No she no she couldn't have she is only 15 no she no" Finn kept denying it but he knew it was real. He hung up and just cried  
"Finn, what's wrong, what happened?" I was really worried.  
"Rachel, you know how I have twin cousins and they are like sisters to me" He was barely able to speak.  
"Yeah, Abby and Hayley, why what happened to them?"  
"Rachel, Abby, she uh she died of Melanoma last night." I went into complete shock.  
"She was so young" all Finn could do was nod. Come on, let's pack up and I will take you to her house. And with that we left.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

We stopped by our loft to drop the picnic things off and alarm Kurt of the tragedy.  
"Kurt, get your things NOW, we have to go" I could tell Kurt was confused so I quickly said "I will tell you in the car" He could tell it was important so he grabbed his coat ad ran with me. "Kurt, Finn's cousin Abby, She passed away last night from Melanoma." I had only met her once but she seemed like the nicest person. We quickly got into the cab. "37 Bedford Street and hurry"

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Finn had just broken down for the 2nd time since we arrived at her home. I could see her twin balling her eyes out and her mother and father comforting each other and the rest of her family comforting each other. It was getting depressing; all the sadness reminded her when I lost my baby. Finn was now talking and comforting Hayley. Kurt was in deep shock. Ever since his father had married Carol, Finn's family had become his own, especially those girls. They would shop together when Kurt was in New York and he would teach them all about make-up and fashion. I could tell the memories of her just broke his heart. This was the worst week. First I had lost my baby, and then it started  
to get better until Finn got the call and now we are standing a living room, remembering a beautiful girl.

"Kurt, are you ok?" I asked Kurt

"Rachel, how did life become like this? Life used to be so simple when we were in high school, our main worries were do I look good, does he like me and now" He sighed. I wish I could fix this but I am just a girl, living in New York. I gave him a big hug. A few tears started coming out but I quickly stopped them from running down my face.

"I just wish life was simple" I heard him whisper. I walked up to Finn who was now holding a picture of Abby.  
"When is the funeral?" I knew this would be a hard question to ask but I needed to know.  
"2 days, they asked me to speak"  
"are you going to?"  
"I don't know, I think that just being there will make me emotional enough but speaking, I just don't know if I can do it." I sighed  
"Finn, you two were very close, it's what she would have wanted." Tears started to stream from his eyes so all I could do was comfort him.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The two days went by rather slowly with everyone in our loft taking turns at being the depressed one and the angry one. It was just a way for everyone to grieve. I walked into my bedroom and found Finn re-reading his speech.  
"Is it good" I asked him not knowing what else to say  
"It's what she would have wanted me to say" He didn't say anything else until we arrived at the church.

We walked inside and sat with the rest of the people that were close to her.  
"If everyone can be seated we can start the ceremony." The minister said. Everyone obeyed and the ceremony started. The minister said a few words and now it was time for Abby's sister Hayley to speak

"I am Hayley as most of you know. I am her twin as you can recognise. My sister was the most amazing person you could ever meet. She inspired so many but most of all inspired me. Every night we used to lie in bed and talk to each other. Have a deep and meaningful conversation now when I roll over to start talking to her all I see is an empty bed. Ever since the night she died I have cried myself to sleep because I know she isn't there now and she won't be there when I wake up. Sometimes I just talk, talk to nothing and hoping she is there, her spirit is there and listening but I know as much as I want for her to answer, she won't. Abby was more than my sister, she was my best friend, a rock when I needed one. She was the only person who never gave up on me even when the steaks were very low. She used to say  
"Life is a mystery, don't try and crack the code"  
She was right but I feel if I had cracked the code I would have spent more precious moments with her. I just want my sister back, is that so wrong? Abby, I miss you so much. I just want you to come back. Please"

She couldn't say anymore. She stepped down from the podium trying hard to breath because of how hard she was crying. I felt like going up and giving her a hug but she barely knew me. It was now Finn's turn. I took a deep breath knowing this was going to be intense.

Abby was like a sister to me. Whenever I was down both her and Hayley would call me and they would always comfort me and Abby would always give me such good advice. I remember after I had just gone through a break up she said to me  
"Look Finn whether you guys are together or not, you both love each other and one day end up together"  
They were such an inspiration to me at the time and even from the grave, she will be inspiring me. She was always goofy and relaxed and they were the best things about her. I will always miss you Abby but you will always be with me... in my heart. We love you and you will be dearly missed. For the last time good bye. Good bye.  
He stepped down and as he came and sat back down let the tears come streaming from his face.  
"That was beautiful" I whispered to him. He smiled at me then gave me a kiss  
"I love you"  
"I love you too" I replied not knowing what else the future had installed for us.

**I Promise It wont be as depressing in the next chapters Reviews = Love**


End file.
